I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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