yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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