Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
