I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
