Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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