i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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