She announced her abortion via fbk
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
