I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
