I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
smell my finger.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
