the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
