Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
