i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
