I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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