i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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