did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
