my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
