Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hippo gnu deer
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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