You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
