Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
