I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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