Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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