I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
there was a trapeze. enough said
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
