i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
