That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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