then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
