Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
