you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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