Me. At least after what I've been through.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
