She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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