did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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