I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
