Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
