saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
