You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
