I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
