There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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