It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
