I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They have beer where we have blood.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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