I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
