Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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