There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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