I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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