the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
