i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
