I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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