Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
