The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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