I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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