Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
