How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
