I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
