People with herpes should wear stickers.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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