So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
