Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He passed out mid-signature
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
