I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Mom said you looked used
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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